I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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