You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
