is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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