you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
