Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
