would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
