two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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