didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
