He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
