At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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