I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
