The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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