chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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