She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
