Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
