Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
