Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
