Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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