Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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