Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
