In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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