My first STD was from a foam party
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have post one night stand depression
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize