all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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