ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
