The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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