Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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