they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
