dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
