I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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