Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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