I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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