dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I puked a lego.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
