I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
