Ambien. No doubt about it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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