Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
