If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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