omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
