I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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