I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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