i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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