Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
