There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
