and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
