the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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