upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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