Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
