I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
