When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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