I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize