didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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