butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize