in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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