Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
