I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
