I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
