That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
