Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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