Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
