we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
