My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
