she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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