dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
