I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
