We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
