I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize