and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize