well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
