I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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