There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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