Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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