I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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