Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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