Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
