conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
