I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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