we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
