Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
